It’s all about the love today people! They say that love makes the world go round, and I’m full agreement with that. It occurred to me that everything I do and everything I am and everything that I want to be is fueled by just that– love.
Valentine’s Day is such a nice day to recognize those special people in our lives, though I’m sure (or I hope) that we try to do this not just on Valentine’s Day. It’s a Tuesday and you love your spouse or sibling or child or parent or best friend, why not tell them? Just about every day SHL and I tell each other that we love each other, and for me, it’s the best part of the day.
That also got me thinking about how we can never really be filled up by somebody else; that we shouldn’t rely on somebody else for our own happiness. While I agree, I also think that the love of my husband, parent’s, sibling, nephew, in-laws, cousins, family and friends all help guide me to a place where I can feel comfortable enough to be able to pursue the love that I have with myself.
The terms “self-love” and “self-acceptance” are thrown around so much that sometimes I hear the words, but I don’t really think much about what they mean. But today, on Valentine’s Day, as I was watching one of my all-time favorite rom com’s Love Actually (full disclosure: tears streaming down my face), I thought about how when we’re in love with somebody else, truly in love, we accept them unconditionally. Or at least we try to. But we as human beings tend to notice not just the flaws of others, but we notice our own as well. I think about falling in love with SHL and accepting his flaws, and then I wonder why I can’t accept my own.
One of the nuggets of wisdom that I’ve learned from Spirit Junkie Gabby Bernstein is to try and let go of expectations. When I first read about this concept and thought about practicing it, I was enveloped in feelings of suspicion and maybe even a little bit of anger. Why shouldn’t I expect things of others? Why I should let others “off the hook?” And if I do, then will they show up for me? What if they “get it wrong?” It wasn’t until I really thought about my relationships on a much deeper level that I realized that I have tremendously high expectations of others, and looking back on it, I always have. While I’m sure that its human nature, I can say that so many times I have been disappointed because I expected so much out of somebody, and when they didn’t “live up” to who I thought they should be, I was left feeling sad and alone. It’s not to say that we can go through life expecting nothing, but I will say this: The moment that I let go of very high expectations for two very important people in my life, they showed up for me in ways that I never would have expected. All of a sudden it felt like I had manifested this new kind of love in my life that I invited in just by letting go.
What I’d like to invite into my life is a more accepting love for myself. I have had high expectations of others yes, but I’ve also had such high expectations for myself that if I miss the mark on any given day, it can feel defeating. Maybe I can love my body despite having cancer. Maybe I can relish the fact that I embarrassingly throw my head back and open my mouth really wide when I laugh. Maybe I can appreciate my wacky and sarcastic sense of humor or the fact that I’m such a klutz I can actually fall up the stairs. And since I’m trying to live authentically and I don’t have all of the answers, I will also share with you that I struggle with trying to figure out how to remain human and push myself to meet goals and still love myself unconditionally, especially on the days when I feel that my health and wellness get pushed to the side because of work or commitments or a lapse in energy. Deepak Chopra says that we’re all doing the best that we can from our own level of consciousness, and I think that if I can invite a little bit more of that into my life, it may ultimately lead to more happiness and joy in not just my world, but in the world that we share together as well.
Happy Valentine’s Day Team Lozier. I hope that you know that every blog post and every phone call and text and card and email is really just a hug and kiss from me, today and always. xoxo.